They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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