Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
