More tranny stories later!
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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