One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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