I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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