I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
