i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My balls are so social today.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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