just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize