is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
