why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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