My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize