2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
