I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
