i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
