threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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