If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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