i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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