I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We are all done wearing pants today
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
