Nicole vs. Life
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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