I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize