If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
