If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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