dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
