Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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