I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You should frame my arrest warrant.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
