Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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