Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
