Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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