On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We need to get me chipped asap
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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