His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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