so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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