we have pet lesbian snakes
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
