I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
