my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
