Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
