your room smells of hookers.
And success
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
