He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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