Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Randomize
