Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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