do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
