I think my vagina is haunted
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
