i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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