You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I wish I only lived at night.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
