I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
