Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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