I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
she told me i tasted like america
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
