I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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