also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
