you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
