i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Bring me that man meat
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
