never play flip cup with pint glasses
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
