my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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