He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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