So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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