i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
