Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
