A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
