I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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