Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
