Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
