Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
