dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
