How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
