I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
