if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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