i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
