Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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