someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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