Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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