I think I died a long time ago.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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