my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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