Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
