I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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