Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
