My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
