I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
