I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
