my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
