also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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