Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
