You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Randomize
