why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
